That Italian Place on King

Richard: What's the name of that nice Italian place on King street in Waterloo that we used to go to?

Amy: Ennio's?

Richard: Yeah, Ennio's! Remember that place, Tom?

Tom: I've never been there.

Richard: Oh...well...it must have been my other family I went there with...you know...bin Laden's guys...

Amy: Terrorists?

Tom: Al Qaida?

Richard: Yeah, them.

....wtf.

On Fried Potatoes

"You want some? They're nice and greasy!"

How Dare They!

"Those fucking piece of shit assholes didn't fucking air Deadwood last night! I wait all week for that show...it's fucking bullshit. You can't trust anyone in television!"

On Shapes

"There's something magical about circles."

Nondescript

"I used to wake up the next morning and put my tongue to the roof of my mouth and I could still taste it."

Wait...what?!

"What ISN'T a good idea is having only one newspaper in this town. That's license to kill."

On Owen Sound

"People in this town are fuckin' crazy! They don't know it, but they are!"

Injustice in Journalism

*referring to a particular Sun Times reporter*

"He doesn't write shit about nothin' !!"

Unrelated

*drops lettuce on the floor during dinner*

"Oops. That's for the rabbit down there on the floor. I used to know a girl back in college that had a rabbit. She fancied herself an artist."

Damn football

"I wonder if football has fucked 60 minutes this week!" Richard gripes as he pounds the rest of his dinner standing up and bolts to the living room so he won't miss his favourite Sunday programming.

On Indian Food:

"It tastes foreign as hell"

Very Dainty

*Breaks awkward silence over dinner by eating crackers like this*

On Electronics

Tom asks Richard "Did you have anything electronic die on you today? Amy and I both had a really bad day with electronics, like, my computer died, my X-Box died...it's bullshit!"

Richard: "Well, that has to do with hurricanes, you know."

Feed Him!

*Richard paces the kitchen anxiously waiting for the meat to be out of the oven for dinner and begins to get fidgety*

"I'm starving, chef!!!" as he eats crackers with one hand and a piece of bread with butter in the other.

On Cooking Lamb

"Let's just eat it now. I prefer it very rare, you know. Got more lamb-osity when it's rare. Just ignore that stream of blood issuing from it, ok Tom?"

Heaven Forbid

"I'm going to make a transaction to ensure the elimination of doubt on the ability to cook a turkey on Christmas...you know? You can't have doubt surrounding the cooking of a turkey on Christmas"

...no Richard, you can't.

The Great Rice Debate

"I do maintain that brown rice makes for better shits"

On the topic of Rockets

"Leave it to the Russians to fuck something up"

Long story short...they're gross.

"Brussel sprouts....tastes like eating a fart. Don't worry I didn't put any in the soup. That would be like a turd in a punch bowl"

Well then, we're all fucked!

"The Ukraine has radioactive wolves, man! Shit!"

Memories

"The last time I saw a guy with a parrot on his shoulder like that was back in '74"

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

"Are you guys pirates?!" *starts making gun noises*