Very Dainty

*Breaks awkward silence over dinner by eating crackers like this*

On Electronics

Tom asks Richard "Did you have anything electronic die on you today? Amy and I both had a really bad day with electronics, like, my computer died, my X-Box died...it's bullshit!"

Richard: "Well, that has to do with hurricanes, you know."

Feed Him!

*Richard paces the kitchen anxiously waiting for the meat to be out of the oven for dinner and begins to get fidgety*

"I'm starving, chef!!!" as he eats crackers with one hand and a piece of bread with butter in the other.

On Cooking Lamb

"Let's just eat it now. I prefer it very rare, you know. Got more lamb-osity when it's rare. Just ignore that stream of blood issuing from it, ok Tom?"

Heaven Forbid

"I'm going to make a transaction to ensure the elimination of doubt on the ability to cook a turkey on Christmas...you know? You can't have doubt surrounding the cooking of a turkey on Christmas"

...no Richard, you can't.

The Great Rice Debate

"I do maintain that brown rice makes for better shits"

On the topic of Rockets

"Leave it to the Russians to fuck something up"

Long story short...they're gross.

"Brussel sprouts....tastes like eating a fart. Don't worry I didn't put any in the soup. That would be like a turd in a punch bowl"